trust.

As of late I have realized that I suck at trusting people. Really, I do.

I have a hard time trusting the friends that I have known for my entire life. I am too paranoid. I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And it turns out the one relationship that I thought was different, is not.

The other shoe dropped.

And I wasn't ready for it.

Although, I'm not sure how one would ever be ready for it.

So now I'm in limbo.

Hoping against hope that I can turn this back around.

Praying that I can break my cycle and really, fully, completely trust.

God, please grant me the strength to face my fears head on, and to get out of my own head. Help me to trust. Amen.

One Word

Your Cell Phone? blackberry.
Your Hair? blonde.
Your Mother? greatest.
Your Father? generous.
Your Favorite Food? rice.
Your Dream Last Night? strange.
Your Favorite Drink? coffee.
Your Dream/Goal? happy.
What Room Are You In? living.
Your Hobby? photography.
Your Fear? heights.
Where Do You See Yourself In Six Years? married?
Where Were You Last Night? home.
Something That You Aren’t? daring.
Muffins? delicious!
Wish List Item? lenses.
Where Did You Grow Up? here.
Last Thing You Did? windowshop.
What Are You Wearing? pajamas.
Your TV? off.
Your Pets? gone :(
Friends? best.
Your Life? blessed.
Your Mood? usual.
Missing Someone? always.
Vehicle? rav4.
Something You Aren’t Wearing? make-up.
Your Favorite Store? coach.
Your Favorite Color? green.
When Was The Last Time You Laughed? yesterday.
Last Time You Cried? ages.
Your Best Friend? beautiful.
One Place You Go To Over And Over Again? starbucks.
Facebook? boring.
Favorite Place To Eat? garden.

Camera Update!

Well, friends, I have a happy update for you all!

I finally got my lens in the mail about a week or 2 before Thanksgiving. I ordered a pack of 3 filters off of Overstock.com, and was hoping they would arrive before we left for the cities for Thanksgiving, but alas, no such luck.

So I went on my way to the cities with my camera in tow, but all the while being nervous and wishing i had a filter for my lens to protect my VERY large investment. My aunt and uncle have two dogs and they had asked me to take their Christmas/family photos while I was there. Needless to say, my mission was to get to Best Buy or somewhere and get a filter. Well my dad ending up taking me, my boyfriend Brett, and my uncle to National Camera on Saturday. WOOHOO. LOVE that store! I got a Crumpler camera bag [the company is based out of Australia...they have some WEIRD product names! look them up!], 2 4GB Extreme III memory cards, and a really, really nice UV filter. The guy at National Camera cringed when I told him the kind of filters I had gotten, and to prove his point he showed me the difference between an equivalent to what I had gotten, and the top of the line filters that they carry - let me tell you, that was convincing! The cheap filter turned the white paper he put them on, YELLOW. Seriously - Y.E.L.L.O.W. Not to mention you could feel the "glass" in it moving around because it was loose. The top of the line filter left the paper with it's true white color, and the metal ring is made out of brass, which makes it much more durable and less likely to dent or break. He convinced me. The filter may have been $100, but hey, I don't want to put my lens in danger or degrade my picture quality with a crappy filter.

I ended up deciding to keep my 3-pack of crappy filters as a back up just in case something happens. They were only $25 so not too bad of a waste of money I guess.

So now all I have left to get on my list is:

*Flash

*Extra battery

Well and more lenses and what not, but that will have to wait until I can build up my funds again. :)

I am SO excited!

A few weeks ago I bit the bullet and invested in the new Canon 5D mark II and a 24-105 f/4 zoom lens. Ever since then I have been patiently...or not so patiently..awaiting the arrival of my camera, lens, and memory card so I could get to using it already!

Well about a week ago I received my camera body by way of UPS, I was SO excited...then I remembered I was still waiting for my lens, so the body just taunted me from the box on the floor in my living room. My memory card arrived 2 days later and I immediately put it in and took a few "shots" of the inside of the cover...ha. :) Just had to test it out!

Well today my wait FINALLY came to a screeching halt when my boss texted me to tell me my lens had finally arrived at the studio! I rushed over to pick it up, and let me tell you, so worth the wait! I took a few test shots on it when I got home to make sure everything was working smoothly, but I have to go out and buy a filter for my lens before I take it anymore outside of my house. I'm not about to go and ruin almost $5,000 by not having the proper safety precautions :)

Things on my NEED list for the camera:

*Lens filters

*Extra battery

*More memory cards

*CAMERA BAG...hopefully a ShootSack :D but I'd settle for a regular old bag for now, too.

*On camera flash

*LCD screen cover [the dang thing gets so fogged up and smudged so fast!]

That's a long list... but for now, I'm just going to bask in the glory of FINALLY having the camera I have been wishing for since it came out.

My Grandpa died Monday morning, the day after my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.

The night before he told my grandma "I can go home now." and my grandma laughed, and told him no you can't, you have to stay in the nursing home.

The next day she realized he meant his home in heaven, not his house. :(

Monday morning when my grandma got up to the nursing home their pastor was there doing devotions with him. He was singing Amazing Grace to my grandpa, and on the third verse, my grandpa went home.

I will never be able to sing or hear "Amazing Grace" without crying again.

Updates again

1. I finally have my bed here! No more AeroBed, thank goodness. I finally know what it feels like to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep until morning, I missed that for 3 months.

2. I don't have my headboard here yet, though, which makes me sad. My dad and I forgot it when we were packing up the trailer and he hasn't gotten it over here yet. So until then I am dealing with my pillows falling to their death between my bed and the wall.

3. Work is going well. Things have seemed slow the last week or so but now they're picking up again with seniors and ....eeek....SCHOOL.

4. Speaking of school, I don't even know what day classes start...anyone care to help me out with that one?

5. It's going to be strange working during school because I haven't done that since the first semester of freshmen year. I started working only over breaks and the summer because I wanted to be able to focus on my classes, of course that was when I was taking like 19 credits instead of the 15 that I will be taking this semester. Hopefully that helps. Although I'm really not that concerned because my classes now are more project based than test based.

6. Brett has been talking lately about applying for a job in Iraq. I'm not getting worked up about it now because it's not a for sure thing that he'll even apply, let alone get the job if he does. We'll take it one step at a time. We've talked about it and he knows how I feel....[i.e. I don't want him to go]...but that I support him in all of his decisions.

7. Speaking of Brett things with us have been going really well lately. We have had some good talks recently and it's been great to know his feelings on things and that he really considers me in the decisions he makes about his life. :)

8. My grandpa was in the hospital yesterday for heart stuff so I'm hoping that he's doing well now...haven't hear anything.

9. I got Brett all moved in to his new place so that's nice! I enjoy him not having roommates, that's for sure. Now at least I know the dirty dishes and socks laying around are his and not some other gross boys :)

10. I really need to get my pictures and stuff hung up. All of these bare walls are just obnoxious.

11. Brett and I are semi-talking about road tripping it to Denver in January before school starts back up - I'm hoping that happens. I really wanna get out of this town and I miss Denver. Plus on the way we can stop and see his cousins and KAYT!!! Eeekkk. :)

12. I have a wedding to go to on Friday and I forgot about it until just now. Woops.

13. I keep having the urge to go to the mall and spend money. Must...resist...shopping...

I'm out of things to say right now...I feel like there should be more, but nope - i'm boring.

Night, all.

Cuz Kayt said I have to...

Hello again, internet world.

Kayt scolded me and told me I had to update....so I will, BUT on one condition...KAYT YOU HAVE TO UPDATE YOURS, TOO!!!! :)

So, let's see.

*Still waiting on the carpet guy to let my mom know they got the carpet in.

*Still sleeping on an AeroBed...getting very sick of it.

*Feeling like a huge grown up this week. I've been holding down the fort at Reeves this week, as Jen is out on her honeymoon until next Tuesday. 

*Jen is on her honeymoon because she got married on Sunday! Yay! The wedding was beautiful, and I had a great time being a guest and a photographer all at the same time :) 

*I'm up to my eyeballs in dance photos at the studio and making phone calls for parents to come pick them up. Phew! I feel so annoying, but oh well, somebody's gotta do it I suppose.

*The weather was great here over 4th of July. I worked the Cutest Baby Contest at Reeves that day. We had 84 babies come through to have their photo taken and entered in to win gift certificates to Reeves. I just spent today editing 3 photos of every kid to post online for them to view/order if they choose. Uffda! Lots of baby faces - good thing they were all so adorable!

*This weekend I have a feeling I'll be going to the air show at the base with Brett....better remember sunscreen.

*I have resorted to returning to the tanning booth for 2 reasons. 1] I have unused minutes to use. 2] I am pasty and never get outside since I work until 5 most days. 

*I painted my kitchen! I love the color, it's very serene. I ran out of paint just in the nick of time, too, but now I"m noticing places to get touched up so I guess I better go get some more and take care of that. 

*Haven't really had time for anything super exciting lately. Brett and I tried to go to The Proposal yesterday night but it was sold out! How strange for a not-so-new movie to be sold out on a Tuesday night? We're gonna try again soon because I really want to see that movie.

* I saw Public Enemies the other day - really good!! Definitely worth the money to see it.

*Also, THE HANGOVER IS HILARIOUS. If you haven't seen it, you need to. Seriously. It's great. 

*My sister ALMOST has all of her stuff out of my house...it's so close to being all mine I can taste it! 

*I love doing laundry. 

and cleaning.

Wow. Can you tell I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom?!?!

*Well, I think that's about all for now. I am tuckered out and I have some laundry to fold....my sheets, actually. That's quite important 

Hope all is well -

God Bless

Allie